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Letters from a dog

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

dog's dinner

hello my dear bipeds,

i am not a happy dog. apparently, i have been told i am over eating and getting fat. me? well, if you call 6-8 meals a day (not including snacks of anything i  find on the street) overeating......

my human has decided to put me on a diet. next he will take away my booze and fags...

smell you later

new year resolutions

how how,

as ever, this new year i am resolved to be unresolved. however, a dogs work is never done, so here are my top 5 targets for 2010 (or 17010 as we dogs more correctly say - read your history).

1. sleep more. also experiment with more abstract sleeping positions.
2. training. i must work on training my human - he's picking up some bad habits and taking far too long to respond to my food needs.
3. food. try harder to find more interesting things to eat on the street - kebabs, bread and fish are well worth it.
4. emotional blackmail. try and perfect my 'big eyes, please feed/play/walk' look.
5.improve typing skills - my target is 120 words per minute. also must upgrade my website and maybe start a podcast - although you humans won't be able to hear it as it will be outside your frequency range ;)

smell you later

New Year?

whats the big deal? ive had 7 'new years' in the last 12 months. and ive heard you humans talking about christmas and god...pay attention, its d.o.g.

anyway, i dont have much time for this religion thing. i am a dog of science - especially sciences concerned with the production and distribution of food, comfortable sofas, rubber chickens and chewable household objects.

smell you later